I’ve been caring for my mother since my early teens. It’s something I enjoy doing and can sleep easy knowing she is properly cared for. She has always been decent to deal with but these past few years have been at another level. While I understand every day is not a good day. And certain health issues may cause her to be a bit more irritated. The toll it has taken on me mentally is now showing physically.
Toxic environment
What used to be a semi loving environment is now toxic. I find myself constantly walking on eggshells. The verbal abuse and nitpicking have gotten so bad I’m beginning to think my first name is b. If she is not spewing hatred or belittling me she is creating division among family members. Calling me every name but the child of god. I understand she needs patience. When interacting with her I always make sure I’m calm and nice, I prepare healthy meals that align with her dietary restrictions, and make sure she exercises.
The back story
My mother grew up in a very toxic environment. She barely talks about her past. But from the information I gathered from her siblings. The environment she grew up in was filled with verbal and physical abuse with her mainly being the target. Favoritism was shown more so to her brothers. This is similar because I have brothers who choose not to help her and she praises the ground they walk on. And like me, she had to grow up fast and was expected to care for her parents. Deep down inside I feel she wants to recreate that same hurt. Other times I feel she is jealous and regrets having a daughter.
Healing is important
That’s why healing is so important. It not only helps the person who is hurt, it stops the repetitive pattern. Leaving stuff to brew inside just continues to get worse. Like me, you may want to take the blame. It’s not your fault while you can’t force others to get help you can seek therapy for yourself. My situation has yet to improve. But with the many resources online I remain hopeful.
