I have been caring for my mother since my early teens. I find this role fulfilling and can rest assured knowing she receives the proper care. She has generally been agreeable to manage; however, the past few years have presented increased challenges. While I recognize that not everyday is without difficulty and that certain health conditions may contribute to her irritability, the mental strain I have endured is now manifesting physically.
Toxic environment
What was once a semi-loving environment has deteriorated into a toxic one. I Find myself constantly walking on eggshells. The verbal abuse and nitpicking have become so severe I’m beginning to think my first name is “Bitch”. If she is not expressing hatred or belittling me, she is creating division among family members. I understand she requires patience. When interacting with her, I always ensure I remain calm and courteous, prepare healthy meals that comply with her dietary restrictions, and ensure she exercises.
My mother’s upbringing
My mother was raised in a highly toxic environment. She seldom discusses her past. However, information obtained from her siblings indicates that her upbringing involved verbal and physical abuse, with her being the primary target. Favoritism was notably shown towards her brothers. This situation bears resemblance to my own experience, as I have brothers who choose not to assist her, despite her admire and support for them. Like myself, she was required to mature quickly and was expected to assume responsibilities for her parents. Internally, I sense that she may be attempting to recreate similar feelings of pain. On other occasions, I perceive that she exhibits jealousy and regrets of having a daughter.
Healing is important
That is why healing is of paramount importance. It not only helps the injured individual but also prevents the recurrence of generational curses. Allowing issues to fester internally only exacerbates the situation. Similar to my experience, you may feel inclined to assign blame. However, it is not your fault; while you can not compel others to seek help, you can pursue therapy for yourself.
